Things my Bullied Daughter Needs to Know 2My sweet daughter, you came home from school in tears again.  Kids can be so cruel, and sometimes they don’t even know.  You feel excluded, mocked, and lonely.  There is a small, dark bathroom stall that is wet daily with your tears.

I can’t fix it and make it all go away, but I can hold you and listen.  Talk to me.  Tell me your troubles.  Cry on my shoulder instead of the cold, unfeeling tile floor of the ladies room.  I’m here as long as you need me.  Then, after you get it all out, will you stay just a few minutes longer?  There are a few things I need to tell you, things you have to know:

It is Okay to Cry

Releasing your emotions through tears can be so therapeutic, so natural, and so cleansing.  Allow yourself to feel, to accept the hurt, and then to be free.  Just remember the earlier you finish your cry, the sooner you can get back to laughter.

Happiness is a Choice

The recipe to your happiness is inside of you.  It is not a gift I can give you.  It can not be bought, but no one can take it from you.  Happiness is a choice.   It has no limit, no scarcity, no expiration date.  You can choose it every day, in each situation, for the rest of your life.  Exercise that power.  Make that choice.  Live in happiness.

You can do Hard Things

Dream big, my darling.  Then wake up and work.  There is no end to the things you can accomplish!  You have a complex, one-of-a-kind set of skills and abilities.  Use them, improve them, and appreciate them.  Find your unique life path and make the flowers bloom along your way.

You are Beautiful

There are no qualifications, no exceptions, no exemptions.  You are beautiful every day.  You are beautiful first thing in the morning when your hair resembles a deconstructed bird’s nest.  You are beautiful when your eyes are red, swollen, and filled with tears.  You are beautiful after a muddy camping trip in the rain.  You are beautiful when you are sick, tired, lonely, or afraid.  You are so beautiful when you smile.  You are beautiful always and forever, no matter what.

You Matter

You have always mattered.  You matter to your family who see you every day, your best, your worst, and everything in between.  You matter to the teachers who spend their days, and sometimes nights discovering new ways to help you learn and love it.   You matter to the stranded boy you helped down from the tree.  You matter to the tired cashier who laughed at your intelligent humor.  You matter to people you don’t realize.  You matter to people you have yet to meet.  You matter now, you always have, and you always will.

I Will Always Love You

I loved you before you were born.  I loved you when I heard your first cry.  I loved you the first time  you clapped your baby hands and said, “Mama.”  I loved you the first time you yelled at me, and the first time you slammed the door.  I loved you the most recent time.  I love you when the kids at school make you cry.  I love you when you do not love yourself.  I loved you then, and I love you now.  My love for you is my superpower.  It is the strongest part of me.  It is yours when you want it and when you think you don’t.  It is constant.  It will not end.

6 Things my Insecure Daughter Needs to Know

The kids that tease you at school do not know you like I do.  They see such a small part of your existence.  They do not know your worth.  Do not listen to them over me.  I know you better.  I know who you are.  I know what you can become.  They can’t stop you unless you let them.  Don’t let them.

 

68 comments on “6 Things My Insecure Daughter Needs to Know”

  1. Great list of things for our daughters to know! My daughter is only 3 but I am saving this one for the inevitable hard times ahead.

  2. This is so great! I just love it. My daughter has such a hard time because she is autistic and struggles with fitting in all the time, but we are lucky enough to have awesome kids in her class now. But first grade is easier, everybody wants to help now. I’m dreading whats coming, I’ll make sure to save this list!

  3. Oh my, I got teary-eyed just reading this. It’s so hard when our kids face the realities that some people just aren’t kind. I loved the constructive points you gave, though. And your writing style- just beautiful. So moving.

  4. I think these pointers are so valid for sons as well – with all this social media and advertising it is very difficult to know what is real and unreal.

  5. My daughter will be entering 6th grade next year and I am expecting some similar episodes. Its so difficult to explain lack of kindness. All of these are important. I especially love “happiness is a choice.” So important and so true.

    • I’ve recently realize how important it is to be able to express your feelings in a healthy way. I would much rather her tell me than keep it to herself. If I don’t know, I can’t help.

  6. Being a mom is so tough sometimes, when you see your child in pain! This was beautifully written! I always tell my kids it is O.K. to cry, sometimes you need to let all that negative out of your body to make room for the positive.

  7. I love the part about you matter to people you haven’t met yet, actually it is all wonderful. I do hope things improve for your daughter though. It is so hard to see our children hurting.

  8. I love this Amy, and I’m saving it. I remember what it feels like to feel so powerless to help, and to explain why there is so much meanness – I know I may have to explain it again and it breaks my heart to think about it. These words are magic. Thank you!

  9. This is wonderful and thank you for the reminder. Sometimes I have to remember not to rush her growing up and to tell her all of these things when she needs to hear them. Thanks!

    • Thanks Sara. My daughter feels to young to be going through this, but I hope that if I can teach her these things early, they will stick and be a support to her as she goes through teenage years.

  10. This is so beautiful! I don’t have children, but if I did, I’d want to teach them these exact things as well. I think these are also great reminders for all the big kids out there too (i.e. every adult walking around out there, lol). Awesome post!

    • Thank you Vicki. I may post it on my own bathroom mirror as a note to self. Sometimes my post 5 babies body doesn’t seem as beautiful as it once was, but I need to remember what I tell my daughter, “no qualifications, no exceptions, no exemptions.”

  11. This is by far the most beautiful post. I’ve been there and although my mom didn’t have the right words to say, this in some way have healed me from the hurts in my own childhood. I feel like I can raise my daughter with more confidence to love who she is. “There are no qualifications, no exceptions, no exemptions. You are beautiful every day.” this statement touched me in so many ways. I must share! Thank you so very much!

  12. It’s so hard to watch your child in pain and not be able to fix it. I hate that this is happening to your daughter. The good thing is that even when they seem to not be listening, they are. My son was teased last year ALL year! We did exactly as you are doing and supported him and gave him a space to vent his feelings. We made a big deal about getting him involved with other kids through Boys Scout and soccer. Once he connected with these kids who welcomed him and got know him on a more personal level, he began to brighten. This year he is so much happier at school and we have had no complaints from him about others teasing him. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

    • Thank you for the encouragement Yanique! I hope this will pass as she learns to be more confident and to express herself better. It is a process, but hopefully we can get through it if we stick together.

  13. Beautifully written. I love how you are letting her know about happiness is a choice early in life.

  14. Beautiful thoughts! My baby girl is only 8 months old but I dread the day that other children will make her cry. I was a very insecure girl growing up so these words really hit home for me. Thanks for sharing!

    • I wonder if we are all insecure at one time or another. She used to be the most confident kid I knew. Hopefully she’ll get back to that. It will just take time and a lot of love, I hope.

  15. i also think it is so important to be sure that kids understand why other kids are mean. Those kids are insecure or jealous and the things they say about her are a reflection on them, not her. Also, kids need told these things over and over so it eventually becomes part of their internal dialogue.

    • I agree Crystal. I do try to focus on her though because, while it is important to recognize that the other kids are being mean, she can’t change them. I try to help her understand what thing she has control over because that is where her power is.

  16. Such a lovely post! My daughter is only 6 but we’ve still had a couple of times when others have been able to bring her down. Developing self esteem is so important in children, I love the bit you matter!

  17. What a lovely site and a lovely post! I’m so glad you are on Google so I can follow you there. I have six daughters and am learning to deal with this very thing. All your points are spot on.

  18. This had me in tears.. I am so glad your daughter has such an amazing Mama to show her that she is loved, cherished and beautiful. My son is having very similar issues in school at the moment, and it is heart breaking. I am so sorry you have to carry this pain, I know its not easy. xoxo

  19. Thank you so much for writing about this. This is such an important situation to talk with our daughters about. I was lucky my girls always talked to me.

  20. This is a very touching post. This is not only for an insecure child but it should be for everyone of them. These are values we want to transmit our kids like happiness is a choice, it’s something within all of us we want them to understand. But the most important is that we will alway love them! 🙂

  21. “Dream big and wake up and work.” I love it! It takes work. I think that is something the next generation is forgetting. There is so much entitlement happening I can’t take it. What beautiful lessons and beautifully written!

  22. This part is so touching, Amy. “You matter to the tired cashier who laughed at your intelligent humor. You matter to people you don’t realize. You matter to people you have yet to meet.” I just love the way you think and how you express your wisdom. You are such an uplifting person and your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom.

  23. Wonderful post Amy! I can so relate, my son had an incident with some boys on the playground and I remember just wanting to put him in a bubble. To protect them from anything and everything, this year luckily first grade has been good for us.

    Bullies may seem big in the moment, but they’re so very small in our existence. Wishing that the bullying would just stop, from kids to adults!

  24. This is beautiful and so true. I hate that so many kids go through bullying and feel alone in their struggles. My daughter has had a few bullying instances and she’s only in the first grade 🙁 Thank you for these beautiful words.

  25. A strong post! You sound like you are doing all you can, and doing good at that! x

    I have a 10yo boy who is sensitive as well and a bit insecure, this is a really helpful post.

  26. This was beautiful. I was once that sensitive girl, but without the gentle support. Growing up as a very sensitive person is tough, but we grow up to be the kindest and warmest. Godspeed in teaching your daughter to grow strong and thrive in a very mean world

  27. I tell my daughters these things, but one thing that makes them really mad is the part of Happiness is a Choice. I always tell them that they have the ability to choose how they react to things and they always get mad. Not sure why, I guess they prefer for me to feel sorry for them and give them extra love, but I’m all for giving extra love but I don’t think it’s good that they want to feel sorry for themselves. I keep hoping one day this will change.
    Great Post by the way. Thanks for sharing. I shared your post on Facebook too

    • Thank you Laura. My girls don’t always like that part either. It tends to annoy them when they are in the middle of a big fight over who owns the pink marker or when they are, “so bored,” but sometimes, when they really need solutions, it gives them hope.

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